Old Misery might find her way back to me. Sure. In that place. That place we always met. After she got off working third shift. Down at the Starlight Café. Pushing coffee on those midnight wanders. Lonely souls who might not have a time or place, if it weren’t for Old Misery’s hand. The way she can tend to a cup of coffee. I can smell a pot brewing now. Slightly simmering- just the right sound for your ears, this late at night. The hiss and the cough. Then, as the coffee poured. Steaming ever so gently. Her fingers moving up and down the rough plastic brim. Yes. Misery could make a cup of coffee. There was never any doubt about that.

I still find myself sitting outside. The place Old Misery and I came to know, ever so well. She had so much to give then. Even after working two shifts. Back-to-back. Misery never missed a kiss. I always knew what ever company she gave to the regulars. She always had more room for me. Down inside her blouse. Down inside her eyes. Misery knew how to make me feel at home.

“How long has it been?”

“Been a few years back. Since I last saw her. Might have been with Joe Summers. He seemed to always come ‘round about that time of year.”

Just how long has it been. One might ask. I am sure if I thought about it- long enough. I could remember. I could remember her just the way she was. Her eyes. Always searching. But she did know how to make you smile. With her lips. There was this curl. Slowly did it wind down her face. Sadness. It might be known that is how she got her name.

It’s you that I remember. Sweet Misery. It’s you. Holding onto that apron. It had hash from Earl’s famous grass-iron burgers. Stained all over. Up and down. Still, you walked with such dignity. Held your head up high. Even when you could hear what people were saying. About you. About me. About the ways- things were. Or happened to be.

I don’t remember too much more than that. In years gone by. Most things have faded from sight. Even reflections don’t bring much more back to me. Things seemed to have changed. You might think I was someone else. Back then. I would have gone back. Back to Summersdale. After Misery left me. Gone back to my home. See my family. Try to clean up this mess. What good would have that done. We made our choices. Right Misery? We had to live with our mistakes. Regardless of what would come of it.

“So you say, Joe’s back in town? Haven’t seen him in a while. Been a few years back, anyway. Misery? No. Ain’t seen her. Don’t think she’ll ever come back ‘round here. Not after what happened. Yeah. Misery’s gone. For good I reckon. Too bad really. Made the best cup of coffee I ever had. Folks would stop by. From all over. Just to get a taste of her coffee. Never seen anything like it. Not before. And not since.”

If you were here. What would you say? I know you always had special things to say to me. Make me feel better. After those long days. You could always make me feel. So much better.

Maybe it was the way you looked. The smile in your eyes. As rich as the coffee. Every day. Yes, Misery. You always had your own way, of make me feel, just right.

Where might we be? If we were still together. Under the same stars. We just might find ourselves. Together. Again and again. Even after all that happened. All I did. Maybe you could understand. I did it all for you, Misery. Yes. I did it all for you.

I do remember pieces. Here and there. Yes. I remember. The way you looked that night. Oh Misery. I am sorry.

You might say it was all a mistake. I do hear these words coming from your lips. In anger. Not sadness. Your lips revealed something else. Someone else. I remember. All this being a mistake. We might find a way. To remove all this. Leave the past, in the past. But you would have to be here. Misery. You would have to be here now. As I pull up. Outside the Starlight café. I still expect you to be there. After all these years. Putting the finishing touches, on some wander’s apple pie. Wiping down the counters. Anticipating the morning rush. But you wouldn’t be there, Misery. Not when morning came. Not you. Not me. We would be off. Behind some trees. Underneath some clouds. You and me.

Yes, Misery. I want you there. Like it all was. Can’t you see? Misery. I am here. I am waiting for you. I will always wait. Please Misery. Come back. Come back to me.

If I promised. Promise I would behave. No more talk of my family. Of obligations back home. I would promise to come back. To you. Next month after the harvest. I wouldn’t wait so long this time. To return. Every year I would be back for you. I wouldn’t wait so long. I promise you. Yes. This, I promise.

Please Misery.

Please.

Remember how I used to hold you? I would play with those curls. Tight curls of your hair. Running my fingers through the thick of the moment. Misery. Yes. We could remember. Together. If you only remember with me. The way I do. The way I always have. I remembered even then. Maybe one time I forgot. Maybe once. But never again. Not since. Not before. Just once. I swear Misery. I swear this.

You know it all. About my family. I didn’t go back. No. I’ve left them behind. Behind for you. There were only a few matters. About the harvest. Now it is all settled. Gone away. Just you and me now. I swear. It’s only you and me.

When I first saw you. I can remember this. You saw me too. I know you did. We were meant to be. Together. Every night. Sometimes you’d get off early. Sometimes you’d surprise me. Most nights I wouldn’t care. No. I wouldn’t mind. But why this night? Oh Misery. Why?

You never should have seen this. Never. Never. We would still be together. If it weren’t for my family. I wouldn’t have said what I did. Not to you. Not to them. We would still meet here. Each night. Every night. Under the sycamore trees. Behind the farms. Miles away from Summersdale. Miles away from them.

Now I drive through. Past the exit to the Starlight. Miles out of my way. And miles away from them. I used to wonder if you were still there. Now I know you wouldn’t wait forever. Now I know that love can’t spare us all. From fate. From destiny If only you would have been on time. A little late. None of this would have happened. And we. We would still be, together.

I never did go back. Not to Summersdale. I couldn’t face them. Not after what I hade done. No, Misery. I could not go back. Not to them. Never to them. But to you. Yes. I could always come back to you.