Ariadne's Thread

Behavior

for every night that I sleep

for every home that furnishes comfort

for every life that is torn from the darkness

I am the one they seek

the demons in my mind getting closer

I am running towards insanity

I wanted to hear you say it

not before me

not before the world

just before my ears

so soothing

yet so penetrating

haunting

I need to feel wanted

I need to feel desired

why

is there something that I am missing

or am I missing something that is already there

you call me callous for being the way I am

I forgive you

now

you don't know who I am

never know

I want to make believe again and pretend that you are near

but how can I

what can I say

when there are no words in my head

vicsious tendencies die hard

they never relinquish their grasp

hollow promises

you said you would call

but you never did

the word is agape when I stand tall

they are held in some mystic trance

something divine

evangelistic

someting profane

almost dirty

why do I listen to these voices in my head

why do I carry on when there is nothing left to say

is there something out there that I can't explain

or am I making up riddles to ease the pain

funny why I can't even think sometimes

but in my moment of peace I truly find madness

nothing is sacred

nothing is holy

except what you make of it

except what you hold true

accept this now and be my wife forever

and never look back

never cry again

never feel the saline kisses on your wind blown neck

never try to feel

except when I am near

try to begin a new life

with someone who really cares

do I play the games that others play

only in my dreams

but we all play games

don't you think?

we all try to believe in someone else

we all want to ride in someone else's car

let the wind blow through our hair

try to push away the tears

the years have gone by

the children have all grown

and the world is galvanized by the victory of one

when no one has won

when we all are the same

but we still stand with wide mouths

gazing into the mirror

as if we were never there

as if the characters we thought we were

never existed

and then we realize this is all a dream

fantasy

and these words that I write

right now

don't exist

and you

and me

and the rest of the world is all a dream

just a dream

soft toes tickle the realm of tommorrow

as they dangle off the side of the cliff

waiting to jump into the unknown

we never know what is out there

we don't know how to say we are sorry

we don't even know how to say goodbye when the life has left our bodies

I try to walk with angles

to sing with the birds

to make love in the heavens above

but there seems to be something missing

something lacking when I reach that plateua that we all seek

something purges me from its body

it throws me away

as if I didn't taste that good

a monster that lives in us all

some kind of higher order

some kind of being that we call God

god

I wonder why we need to cling to the hope that there is some order in all this

why did we have to hope that there is some reason to all this

why did X die?

God must have wanted it

wanted it

needed it

the beast inside us

craving insanity

craving some kind of order

some kind of hierarchy

that may not exist

the big bang that started it all

the explosion that imploded into our live

that caused the rupture

that caused the wave

come on down

nothing makes sense

reality is but a dream

a fantasy

and there is nothing there when we look in the mirror

nothing

but we behave like there is

something

something

that word, 'something'

can you visualize 'something'

now try 'nothing'

and you can't do it

because when you imagine nothing

you imagine something

idiosyncracy

there can't be nothing

there always was something

but what was it

is it still with us

we need to have something

to keep our lives rolling into tommorrow

to keep the toes of today

on the cliffs of tommorrow

for without that passion

without that fervor

we are locked in our own prison

and death isn't far behind

those of us who can think of nothing

exist in some other plane

we don't know how to fit in

we don't know how to make other people understand

those who are like us

we don't want them near

those you don't like us

we want them inside our hearts

but they can't understand

pain harbors innocence

and rancor harbors madness

and without something

our lives slip away

drift from the cliffs of tommorrow

follow some other pattern

and we are lost in the mileu of anger

the mire of desperation

the emotional net that snares any foolish enough to stray from the path

the path

we all want something

but when there is nothing

I don't know what to do

my dream favors the thinking mind

the thinking kind

I want to believe that there is something out there

but I don't know how to begin

I look for solace around me

through friends and family

but I find little comfort

why is this

what does it mean

am I different

or the same

does no one realize that they are truly alone

even with someone by their side

irony

and I want to get out of here

but I know that I must carry on

for if there is something

then I know it is my dreams

I have seen what I must do

but I don't know how to do it

I want answers

but I don't get anything

maybe I should stop looking

maybe

maybe

I don't know

I don't know what to do

maybe I don't have the answers

maybe I don't have the rhyms

maybe I am just like you when I look in the mirror

maybe I am just like me

I don't know if I am

I don't know what I thought I did

I wish

but that is just a dream