I guess it's okay when she goes out with her friends, even though she is not with me. We're friends ourselves. Maybe more, maybe less. We don't like to talk about it.

I spend about an hour talking on the phone with her. We talk about class, and the Calculus midterm coming up, nothing really important. She asks if I'm busy. I say no. She invites me over. It's cold outside, so I bundle up.

When I leave my dorm, there is a lot of people walking about, even though it's late. They're playing in the snow. Their bodies are silhouetted by the dim lights of the walkway. It's hard to make out any faces. I can see foot imprints everywhere. I can hear laughter in the background, but I can't tell if I know anyone. Oh well. When I get there, to Jane's room, it's about ten o'clock.

The university is suppose to fix those lights, make them brighter; the campus is dark at night. They haven't though. I don't care that there isn't much light; it has never bothered me. It's nice to be inside where it is warm.

Jane greets me with a kiss. I look her in the eyes, and wonder if I should say something sweet, but I don't. I leave early the next morning.

We don't see each other for about a week. I try to call her, but she isn't in. I leave a message, she returns it when I'm out. When I get back, get the message, it's too late to call anyway. We do this, for awhile. She leaves me a message when I can call her. The time fits into my schedule. I can't forget, might get her pissed. I get a hold of her. I never really know what to say.

"So. What's up?" she says.

"Nothing." I say.

"You busy?"

"No."

"Wanna come over? Jessica and me just ordered a pizza. Meat lovers from Pizza Hut. Your favorite."

"No. I got to get up early and take care of some stuff over in financial aid."

"Okay. Well, call me tomorrow. Tell me how you did on the Calc midterm."

"Yeah. I'll call. See ya."

"Bye. I.. Bye."

"Bye," I say and hang up the phone.

I got to remember to call. I stick a note on my Calc book, to help me remember.

She has got a lot of friends. Too many for me to keep track of. One night in her room, I tried to count how many people came by to see her. I lost count. Foolish of me really, it was just a gag. She'll kick them out when I look bored. Then we can spend some time together. She'll ask about Joe. I haven't seen him in a while, since last semester. Jane's with Steve, now. We're friends, maybe more, maybe less. I don't like to talk about it.

Shit. The dam alarm, I'm late. I thought I hit snooze, just turned it off. I got to clear this thing up about my bill, otherwise, I won't get my grades. Shit. I grab my Calc book, it's still got the note on it. I'll remember, I hope.

The dam lines, should have got here earlier. This place is always a zoo after nine. No one wants to get up at eight, when they open. I see Jessica, Jane's roommate. She smiles, I smile back. I think she has got a nice ass. Nice smile too. If I wasn't seeing Jane, maybe, just maybe. She walks over.

"Have you had breakfast?" she says.

"No." I say.

"Wanna join me?"

"Sure, after I get done here." I say.

She smiles, and tells me she will meet me in the student union. I say okay. God has she got a nice ass. I'll miss Calc, but fuck it. I'm sick of that class anyway.

At breakfast I don't really eat, neither does she. I ask her how the pizza was. She said it was okay. The cafeteria isn't that full.

I ask her if she has been looking over the econ notes for tomorrow's test. She says no, and asks if I want to study with her tonight in the library. I say yes. I say it's a date, she blushes, smiles, and walks away. I got to remember to call Jane.

I should have gone to Calculus today. I would have got my midterm back. I know I did okay, but Jane will wonder why I didn't get mine back. We have the same teacher, different times, different days, we didn't meet in class. I called her on the phone for a date. I had seen her walking back to her dorm. She was with Jessica. I asked her to Homecoming. We slept together that night. I left in the morning.

I get back to my dorm. It's about ten thirty. I decide to take the rest of the day off. Need to study for the econ test tomorrow. I want to be ready for Jessica. I know she'll want me to quiz her in the library. I hope we get some studying done. She has an 'A'. I need one to pull up my grade. I think I have a 'B' but the teacher is a dick. He grades tough. He likes cute girls, though. Maybe that's why Jessica is getting an 'A'. I wonder when they are going to fix those lights.

Jessica calls me about noon, asks if she can come over. I say sure. We don't get a lot of studying done. We don't even make it to the library. I know she'll get an 'A'. I'll probably fail. I'll just sit next to her, maybe when the TA isn't looking, she'll let me copy. I hope so, I need an 'A' to pull up my grade. I should have studied more.

I forgot to call Jane. She didn't call me. We forgot. She is seeing another guy, Steve. Nice guy. We are just friends she says. I try to believe her, but she keeps inviting me over.

Jessica could have anyone she wants. I don't know why she wants me. It's strange. We didn't get a lot of studying done. Jessica spends the night.

Jane never wants to go out when I do. I don't when she does. We don't fight, but we aren't around each other enough to find out if we would.

At home, during Christmas break, Jane called a lot. She lives in Ann Arbor; I live in New Hampshire. We go to school in New York. She wanted someone to be with her. I told her I couldn't, my mom wanted me to come home. She hates her parents. She says they are too controlling. I have never met them. Her sister is married; her brother is engaged. Her parents wonder when she will be. I don't think she likes to think about it, even though she does.

We talked for hours during the break. It's the most we have ever talked. Talked about relationships. Feelings. I would listen to her and watch the snow hit the ground. She would usually call pretty late. I would turn off the light in my room and just watch the snow. There aren't a lot of street lights around my neighborhood, so everything was dark. The snow looked alive as it danced in the shadows. Jane's voice soothed the pain. I didn't always listen to what she said, but she was out there, somewhere in the night, and she needed me. For me to listen.

She started seeing Steve after the break. He asked her out on a date the first week of class. She didn't hesitate to say 'yes'. I think he spent the night. He didn't leave the next morning.

Jessica tells me to make sure the alarm is set; she doesn't want to be late. I check it twice. I should have studied more for this test.

Jessica lets me copy. I don't think anyone say us. We go out to lunch after. To Wendy's. It's near by, we don't have that far to walk. I still haven't called Jane.

I see Jane with Steve. He's a senior; has a car. Nice guy. I don't think they saw us. I saw them. We had to walk to Wendy's. They were driving some where else. I don't think they saw us. "Lunch is on me." I say

"Okay." she says.

I walk Jessica back to her dorm; mine is on the other side of campus. It's a nice day for January. The snow is melting, and the sun has is pretty warm. I have on a light jacket, it's unzipped. Jessica kisses me goodbye and thanks me for lunch. I smile and waive goodbye. I am glad it's not too cold, it would be hell walking back to the dorm in the cold.

I see Steve alone, in his car. Asks if I want a lift. I nod and get in. He asks if I have decided on major yet. I shake my head. He tells me that Jane is upset that I haven't called. I nod. He drops me off. I waive goodbye. He honks. Nice guy. I have got to call Jane, but I don't know what I'll say. I hope she is home.

When I call, Jessica answers. At first I try to disguise my voice, but she recognizes it's me any way. I ask if Jane's there. She says no, but I am glad you called. We talk for about four hours, and Jane finally comes home. The phone is warm and soft from the hours of talking, just like the snow outside. I don't want to talk to Jane now, but I do any way. I know she is going to ask how I did on my Calculus midterm. I didn't get it back yet. We talk for a while. She mostly talks about Steve. He has been accepted in some graduate program in Arizona. Jane wants to transfer down there. I guess, to be with him. I wish I was graduating this year. Jane doesn't like the cold any way.

I don't know who I want more, Jane or Jessica. I tried to tell Jane that I loved her last semester, but she said she wasn't ready. That's when I noticed how pretty Jessica was, or maybe I knew all along. I am afraid I called Jane to get to Jessica. Jessica could have any guy she wanted, but she wants me. Jane has Steve, but, for how long. He's graduating soon. I know it will be hard, for both of us. Jane has never liked the cold.

I am glad that I don't have a room mate this semester. Had one last semester but we didn't get along. I think he is the reason Jane couldn't love me, she loved him. I didn't think Joe liked her, but I would sometimes come home and find them talking. I wondered if they slept together. I never caught them doing that. Joe's engaged, now. He is living another dorm with Angie, the girl he got pregnant. I think they will get married soon, with the baby on the way. The news crushed Jane. I saw it coming.

Those winter nights, back in New Hampshire during Christmas break, I would just sleep all day, and get up around two in the afternoon. I didn't go out; the winter days get pretty harsh there. Most of my friends from school didn't come home, they wanted to stay at school, or they went on vacation with their parents. The winter days were just too harsh to go out in. I remember waiting for Jane to call, wishing it were Jessica. I wanted to call her, but I couldn't, what would Jane say. She needed me, with the news about Joe and everything. I think she was glad it wasn't her, or maybe she wanted it to be her. She just talked and talked. I would just watch the snow outside. This was the worst winter I have ever seen. I am lucky I made it back to New York with the weather the way it was. I was lucky.

I told Jane I loved her. She was shocked. There was dead silence. I thought she loved me too, that's why I told her. I was wrong. I though it was the right thing to say. We had slept together. I shouldn't have said what I didn't mean. I should have just stayed quiet. The news about Joe, then Steve. I should have kept quiet.

I got a 'B+' on my econ midterm; Jessica got an 'A'. I couldn't copy every answer. Jessica and I are going out. She's sort of moved into my dorm. My RA doesn't care. I don't see much of Jane. For friends, we don't speak at all.

There are predicting a big storm front to move in. It was getting warmer. Suppose to have twelve inches by morning. Maybe classes will be canceled. Jessica says that they will be if there is too much snow. I hope it's not too cold.

They cancel classes. The power has gone out part of the night, and they are trying to restore it. I reminds me of the winter nights at home: sitting in the dark, watching the snow fall listening to Jane's voice. I look out the window, then at Jessica, she's asleep. There are a lot of people playing in the snow, they are making snow men, and throwing the snow around. It looks cold, but not too cold. There is barely enough light to see the people. The campus is suppose to fix that, but they don't. I don't think it's a big deal. I like the dark, as long as it's not too cold.

I watch the people outside for about an hour or so, then I go over to Jessica, who's sleeping. She turns over and says "Everything alright."