"It may happen that small differences in the initial conditions
produce very great ones in the final phenomena. A small error in the former
will produce an enormous error in the latter. Prediction becomes impossible.
…" --Henri Poincaré
Chaos is a beautiful sight to behold. Humanity has, at times,
neglected its presence. Or, tried to deny its existence. Nature,
however, is always two steps ahead. Always planning for revolution.
Better stated, evolution. Chaos is a random act of events which lead to
total and utter disorder. If it were only this easy. According
to the second law of thermodynamic all systems will try to reach greater
disorder, or chaos. As if in chaos, there is a divinity. Chaotic
systems are mathematically deterministic—that is, they follow precise laws,
but their irregular behavior can appear to be random to the casual observer.
Our bodies. Our planet. Our solar system. All striving
for greater disorder. All trying to gain favorable thermodynamic
conditions. This is how nature is. No one, should then, blame
nature for our destruction. We should only blame ourselves.
Chaos begets chaos. Why did we ever try to think any different.
There are many times I stand on this ground and remember what was once there. The world is so dark, my love. So dark. The combination of two sensory modalities is almost maddening. No one could have anticipated this. My dreams are so chaotic. And yet, I see you there, with Maggie. It is almost like were aren't even apart. I am not sure long I have been asleep. Perhaps minutes. Perhaps years. No matter. One day, I will awake to find you here again. One day I will wake to find humanity resurrected. One day, this nightmare will all be over.
"Are you sure he is ready?"
"Yes Jules. He is ready."
"There is no room to question your judgement?"
"Only when my judgement needs to come into question."
"Always the pragmatist."
"Yes Jules. Always."
Always so dark. Sight has become subservient to sound. It
is my audition which drives me now.
"Honey, have you seen my keys?"
"There in your coat."
"Jesus, thanks. "
"Bit nervous?"
"Hell yes."
"Don't worry, you'll do fine."
"Kiss Maggie for me, when she wakes up."
"I will. Now go."
"About last night...."
"Sshhh..."
"I was just too wired..."
"I understand."
"You always do."
"Now go, Goodwin is waiting."
I can almost taste her goodbye. No more remembering.
No more dreams. I just want silence. I just want silence.
For now the dreams stop. The chaos held back. I hope now I
can get some rest.
"So, you're the hot shot, eh?"
"Leave him alone Smitty, understand?"
"Yeah, yeah. We've heard that before. Remember when Dossler came on board last month?"
"Shut up Smitty."
"This is amazing. I have always wondered what they kept back here."
"Consider yourself lucky kid. Most of us have waited half our, careers, for this. The doors will stay locked for security reasons. You understand."
"Ah, yeah."
"In here. Dr. Goodwin will be here shortly."
"Thanks."
My thoughts drag the past back to me. Ghostly are these memories.
Damning, yet alluring all the same.
"Jason, am I interrupting something?."
"I was just in my thoughts."
"That is the one haven we have...er, Dr. Snipes."
"Thank you sir. It's pleasure..."
"Cut with the bullshit Jason. I am no longer your professor; I am your peer."
"Alright, David."
"That is better. Now, Jim gave you a brief tour of the facilities I take it?"
"Brief is the word I would use."
"Yes, so would I. Janice, would you dim the lights? There seems to be a calmness in the dark, most of us don't appreciate. Thank you Janice. That's better. The experience you have garnered from my lab at the university will help you get your bearing."
"Exactly what is this project?"
"That is the question, isn't it? It's all about the end...the end of the world..."
"That's funny."
"I wish it were."
"You're sort of..."
"Scaring you? That's the point. To scare you that is. The more scared you are, the better you will take this."
The professors who worked on this project were the best in the world. I often wonder why I was included. Then again, I am one of the few who survived.
"So, how do you think the kid is taking it, Smitty?"
"No better than I did."
"No better than any of us, I suppose."
At least I have my thoughts. At least I can say, ‘I dream.'
Even if the dreams haunt me, I can say ‘I still dream.'
"Maggie"
"Daddy"
"Let me hold you."
"Maggie missed you Daddy. Don't stay away so long next time, ‘kay?"
"Okay honey. Okay."
"Jason, you haven't let go of her all night."
"I just want to hold her Molly."
"What's wrong?"
"I wish I could tell you. I really wish I could."
"Jason you're scaring me."
"I have heard that line today, more than I would like to remember. I wish I could tell you Molly, I do."
"Maggie, do you want to go and play?"
"No Mommy. I like it when Daddy holds me. I like how Daddy smells after work."
"Maggie, honey. Mommy and Daddy have to talk. Please go and play."
"Maggie, go and play, Daddy and Mommy have to talk. I will hold you, later."
If it were only that easy.
Whatever idea I had, about the way life was supposed to be, is
gone. This I am sure. I can only look at my wife, my child,
and pray. Pray to anyone who is listening. Pray to a God I
have had trouble believing in. Especially now. I can scream
questions out at night. ‘How could you let this happen?' ‘How
could you let this happen to us?' My anger is all gone. I know
our fate. I know the end is near. I can only hope that David's
project can offer humanity hope for survival.
